I don't care if your arm is broken, Sir

An open letter to all domestic and international visitors to Melbourne (entry via air).

I'm very sorry.

We're all quite embarrassed but you see our state politicians are absolutely useless and, moreover, - following the line of their federal counterparts - unless a service runs at a profit, or the establishment costs can be recovered in days, they won't consider anything so practical.

I do realise we're really very much out on our own here. I know, I've been to a few cities around the world myself and, yes, it's so much easier. I agree. Again, I'm sorry.

Unfortunately there is a greater chance that Rachel Weisz will leave her partner, profess her love for me, tear off her clothes and mine and make sweet love to me for hours before Melbourne will have a train service that runs between the international airport and the city.

No, you'll just have to cough up the taxi fare or fuck around with shuttle buses like we all have for so many years.

Again, I'm very sorry, and very embarrassed. There is not a great deal one can do however, when people in power wish to perpetuate the view that we are small town hillbillies that have no need for them fandangled rail thingies to transport people.

If it's any consolation, once you make it to civilization our public transport system is quite good. If you have correct change.

Sincerely,

W