where due

While sifting through my meagre web statistics recently I noted that one of the hits I had received had been via a Google search for Tess Kiros - Tess Kiros of wonderful cookbooks fame.

I have thus been inspired to properly recognise Ms. Kiros in a post of her own. She well and truly deserves it and if this post inspires but one reader to buy one of her books I will be happy.

Twelve - A Tuscan Cook Book, and Falling Cloudberries are my two favourite, and most used, cook books. These are books written by...well, a cook. As opposed to a chef. Actually, a chef Tess may be, but her heart is that of a cook - someone who cooks for herself and others, someone not motivated, or prompted, by an order and a result.

Tess is also not a rockstar getting around putting her name on anything and everything. Her focus is obviously elsewhere, and for mine, that attention pays off. I do enjoy J.Oliver and Nigella, and most other faces on the box, but I like Tess and her quiet foodie ways more. Much more.

For all one has to do with her books is pick a page and away you go. Success after simple success. Hit after hit. Smile after smile. Compliment after compliment. Most importantly, great night after great night. Some of the most enjoyable times I have had have come from Ms. Kiros' pages, and for this I owe her a great debt.

Both of the books I have mentioned above are a delight to own and I hope you at least pick up one of them at your bookstore and have a read. Twelve covers the months of the year in Tuscany and how produce and meats are used seasonally to great effect. Falling Cloudberries is an epicurean investigation of the various countries from which Tess has a link to. Both are great gifts, for yourself or others, and so engaging are they that it will be almost impossible not to benefit from their purchase: whether you cook the recipes, or the recipient does, no one will lose.

My hat is off, Ms. Kiros. I can't wait for your next installment.

sweet, sweet Jerusalem.

Food and wine culture is very important to me. Very important. I realise that it is not a solution to all the ills of the world, but it is my hobby, my relaxation.

It perhaps then goes without saying that I keep a certain amount of information and thoughts that pertain to this culture. One of the more obvious tidbits is a mental list of the culinary highlights of Melbourne, my home city.

Given the web is a superb archiver and that Google will eventually find its way to even this little backwater, I thought I might document this list here, for the benefit of locals and tourists alike. This is not to say I think my word is any greater than your cousin, plumber, transgender neighbour, or whoever gives you their 5 cents worth with regard to places to visit, but it's an opinion nonetheless, and one you can throw in the mix.

For what it's worth, though, I do like to think my opinion is reasonably valuable in this area. Certainly I have put in the hard yards over the years - whether it's visiting restaurants or cheffing at home.

So, without further ado, here's my current top 10.

1. Circa $$$
2. Botanical $$$
3. Becco $$$
4. Cafe di Stasio $$$
5. The Graham $$
6. La Luna $$
7. Pacific Seafood BBQ House $
   
8. Balzari $$
   
9. Bluecorn $$
   
10. Misuzus $
    

For those of you who know a little about the scene, you may be surprised by this list, or at least by the order. I don't know what to tell you, this is how I feel. This is a broad list, too, I might add. The price differences, general levels of formality, and dining styles are very much streets apart. To aid in this I have placed wee $ signs next to each restaurant to give you some idea of what you are in for. But then, nothing can really prepare you for a $300 bill for 2, can it?

There are 2 notable absentees from this list, that deserve mentioning, but not inclusion. First is Mrs. Jones.

I have written about Mrs. Jones in this blog previously, so won't revisit the history there other than to say it is not the place it once was. For me this is a negative, for others, including such respectable individuals as Mr. John Lethlean (senior food writer for The Age - one of Australia's finer newspapers), this is a positive. You can make up your own mind. One thing is for sure, you won't be let down by service - Mrs. Jones is one of the most efficient rooms in the industry.

The other restaurant, which up until this weekend would have held my number 1 position, is ezard. ezard really was the front-runner, the trend setter, for mine. Only Ondine when it was alive, or Circa, could touch it. Innovative food of mindblowing quality, outstanding service, a great room: a true touch of class. On revisiting this weekend, though, I was nothing short of remarkably disappointed.

There's an odd economising thing going on there now, and I'm sure it's not just my imagination. Spring Bay scallop entree comes out with only 3 scallops - out of control stinginess for the price, particularly given the other ingredients were paltry cost items (mint, chilies, galangal etc). Same with my main - rather small piece of stingray, very little additionals. My partner was more generously served, but her problem was that her senses were not really being engaged. I thought the food was good, but I agreed with her in that I wasn't as taken as I had been on our first visit.

We eventually worked out what the problem was. Essentially, we realised that we can now visit quite a few places that do very similar things, just as well, for a great deal less money. So, combine that with the fact that the service was dismal (amazing to think, really) and less than engaging when present, and you really have quite a situation. So much so ezard is gone from my list altogether. To go on a little further, I really can't see myself going back to ezard any time soon. Why would I when The Graham in Port Melbourne does outstanding Asian fusion food, in a superb room, with outrageously good service, for very, very palatable prices. And they even have a very cool wine bar out the back, now.

Fickle business, food. No doubt about it. But plenty are doing it well, and perhaps they realise better that laurels should not be rested on, nor formulas diddled too far away from what made them successful.

(Ouch!)

a little to the left, now up a bit. That's it.

I apologise for this interruption of otherwise wonderful silence from me, but something needs to be said.

There's been a terrorist attack in London this morning.

And how do you think the media might respond to this? Given they're a well oiled machine when it comes to milking Tragedy's udder until it bleeds it will perhaps come as no surprise to hear that they're tripping over themselves with excitement.

Turn on the television, if you can stand to. Note the giddy, last-day-at-school rush to present the devastation and, most importantly, the death toll. Some of them are visibly excited, some are pretending to look concerned while rubbing their hands together under the news desk, but they're all shit off their heads with collective enthusiasm.

You can almost imagine the conversations between producers on the floor:

"It's gotta be at least 40 dead - let's run with that!"
"But there have only been 2 confirmed, Ben!"
"Who gives a fuck, you know there'll be more and CNN are already saying 1,500!"
"Yeah, you're right. Go for 127 dead so far, thousands injured!"
"I love the smell of terror in the morning!"
"Yeah, me too, Dick!"

Perhaps it goes without saying, but this decade has seen a global decline in journalistic standards that, if continued, will see monkeys on keyboards writing editorials before 2010. Today does little to turn the tide.

If any of you attached to this gross abomination of mainstream journalism, that of hype and preying on misfortune, should ever stroll by this article, I want you to know:

1. Primarily, I think you're a rotten, soul-less creature worthy only of pity.
2. You do not deserve to be a citizen of my world.
3. Your vocation will not change the fact your parents did not love you enough.
4. Fuck you.
5. You drive this horror.
   
6. Karma will get to you in time.

You're winning, though, and I concede that. But that's OK. I have #6. #6 comforts me as I watch you dogs fight over misery and pain, continually misrepresenting the truth and perpetuating pain.

Unfortunately, if history is any guide, there will be consequences for this. Whether this comes in the form of anyone remotely Arabic-looking being vigorously persecuted for months to come, or yet another country being leveled from 30,000 ft with BLU-82's, it doesn't look good. For those souls affected, I feel all I can do is point you to #6. It's all you, and we, seem to have at this point in time.